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Looking back, or looking forward

Looking back….or looking forward!!!!!

Can’t believe that this year is nearly over, its flown by that quick that it feels like I’ve skipped half the year. In less then 24 hours we well be celebrating the new year!!!!!!! Omg!!!!

This year has been crazy!!! All things Cancer and kids and then work… trying to live life…. Its had so many ups and downs with so many emotions that sometimes I think its all a bad dream… if only it was a dream, the bad bits at least.

I started this year off in a mixed way I suppose, christmas was absolutely magical but as the new year approached I felt myself being weighed down. Hubby was starting the new year with cycle two of his chemotherapy!!!! I was absolutely petrified, the thought of the kids being home and seeing their dad being pumped with poison, the vision of hubbys face as the cannula is put in and the fear and pain that creeps over his face as the IV is pumped in making his body shut down, then the huge fear that he is going to end up in hospital as he has a reaction more severe then last time.

I of course completely over thought things like I still do and cycle two just like the other cycles was nothing like the first. He never ended up in hospital, the kids coped better then I thought they would and my daughter hibernated in her room…. Just like I expected she would. Hubby completed all cycles of chemo with only a few challenges, and was told the long awaited news just before easter that he was in remission.

The second operation was a piece of cake compared to the first one and thankfully he was home after a few days. How ever the recovery period is still going on 8 months post op….surviving on very little sleep and if I had shares in toilet roll I would be rich. These downsides are nothing… having my hubby back and the kids dad is the world. Seeing his strength grow daily is special.

We started this year facing cancer and we are leaving it cancer free!!!! We are leaving this year with stresses like most families, the eldest sitting her A levels and one sitting his GCSES with one choosing them, with the youngest following his siblings and growing up to quick with a full on attitude at times. We started this year with stress and emotion and are leaving it as much stronger individuals and a closer family. The past few months have been tough really tough but we will get through them, with next year being a more positive year. This year has taught me many things, I’m much stronger then I think I am and I can do what ever I set out to do. I can’t always change or prevent what happens in life… like cancer and reactions to drugs… so don’t dwell on it.. face it and take it on!!! Life is to short to worry about what others think of you and to walk around dwelling.. live life and take each day.. each challenge as it happened.

Happy new year lovelies, make it a good one

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