Living life in remission….
In August 2017 my hubby was diagnosed with bowel cancer and in March 2018 he was told he was in remission… there was no signs of the disease in his body!!!!!!
Travelling the cancer journey is like being on a roller coaster…. You are up and down with emotions and living the unknown for the duration of the roller coaster ride. All the appointments for different things, the tests for treatment, the operations all the medical talk… it feels like its never ending at times….travelling a cancer journey is mind boggling, it can play serious mental games with your brain making it hard to switch off from all things cancer… especially when you have so many questions that you want answering and no one to answer them!!
Being told hubby was in remission was amazing news, life would be able to get back to normal…. No more appointments…. No more treatment…no more living the unknown… no more emotional roller coaster ride!!!!!!! Life can finally settle down and normality can resume and everything cancer can do one!!!!
Who am I kidding!! If only it was like that after cancer!! If only getting back to normal was as easy as writing it down!! Remission does not mean that cancer moves to that place at the back of your mind and you can live like the past year or so never happened. If only it was that easy!!!….. treatment was very much over for hubby which was fab and normality to a point could start to resume!!!!! However cancer is not something that will just disappear when you hear the words remission… if only it was that simple…
Remission is a whole new chapter in a cancer journey as we found out easter 2018… even though the treatment is over and your body is showing no signs of this thing…. Cancer is still, especially for the first few years…very much part of your life. It’s by no way as intense…. But its still there hanging over you like a dark cloud and to a point still controlling your life. It’s not something you can just move on from!!!!
Living a life in remission to an extent is just like living your life with cancer just with out the cancer!! You still have hospital appointments, scans, you are still living a life of the unknown and still go through different emotions and as an added bonus when in remission you have the constant worry that every pain, twinge, changes in bowel movement, extreme tiredness anything that may cause concern means the cancer has come back!!!!
Ok… I’m not really making this remission stuff sound fab. I am completely grateful that a year ago we heard those words ‘No sign of disease’ the cancer was gone. It’s just things take time and thoughts of cancer are not just going to go away. On top of which remission does not always mean that you are cured from this thing.!!! Being cured can take up to 5 years…. That’s because the f****r can come back!!!! With in the first two years of being told the cancer has done one, there is still a very high chance it may just decide to come back and not always in the same place. Which personally scares the life out of me which I’m sure it does others as well. I mean from what I’m aware off during my families journey I can recall at least 5 people who have been in remission and their cancer has returned!!!!! If cancer wants you then it will have you…. No matter your diet, your sex, your age, your health….. cancer don’t care.
So what’s it really like living in remission…. What’s it like watching my hubby get on with his life after what his body has been through, thanks to cancer. Well it’s obviously amazing and at times over whelming, however its not easy and at times incredibly hard and over whelming. Why when he is in remission???? Because he along with his body is still recovering from 2 huge and life changing operations, 4 cycles of chemo and everything else cancer related.
Cancer screws your body in so many ways… mentally, physically and emotionally….. hubby was lucky that he has not really had any long lasting side effects from his chemo, but he does occasionally in the much colder weather get niggles/discomfort in his arms which I believe could be from the poison sorry the chemo drugs!!!! The biggest thing from this journey is the change in his bowels!!! He went from having irregular bowel movements, to having the tumour removed which left him with no rectum so a new one was made and a stoma, the stoma was then reversed which meant he then had to learn how to control his bowels again especially as he has a new rectum. He was told by the surgeon that he could have IBS as a result of the operation and that it could take anything from 6 to 12 months to recover, oh and that things may never be the same again!!! The surgeon could not have been anymore right!!!! It’s coming up to a year and poor hubby is still recovering… screw you cancer!!!
Remission is not all bad…honest. I mean how can it be when there is no sign of disease. Yes there are moments of fear and if I’m honest… I think these feelings will be around for some time. However life in remission is pretty damn good, tough sometimes but good. Seeing how hubby goes from strength to strength is amazing, seeing him doing things that he was unable to do before diagnosis is sometimes over whelming. The bad days are for sure becoming less and thankfully so are the unsettled days and nights, but they are still there and will be for some time.
Living in remission is a new chapter in the cancer journey… remission is a whole new challenge and one that will last for some years. To see hubby grow strength physically and mentally after everything he has been through is a blessing and something I will be ever grateful for.
So lovelies don’t forget to check your pooh as I really don’t wish cancer on anybody. Xx
