Cancer is a disease that can be a killer, it cuts you up, it can destroy you mentally and emotionally. If your one of the lucky ones that catches it early enough it can be physically draining if an operation is needed to remove the tumour. Cancer does nothing but screw you and your loved ones up in so many ways.
Ever since I can remember cancer has been something that has interested me, I cant explain why it just does. I love caring for people and feel such an achievement at the end of a shift, knowing I had done my best in supporting someone in need. We would usually have an understanding of their needs, for example assistance with eating, personal care or sometimes even just company. Sometimes it may be a guessing game in a way and we would have to spend some time trying to find out what the individual may need. We always got there in the end and the individual would have their needs met.
So why cant it be like that for cancer???????? Since the 31st August the lack of support from cancer charities and professionals has been crap!!! These are people that work in the profession and cancer on a daily basis. So you would think they would have some idea of the support that individuals and their families would need at such an insecure and unstable time. It’s bad enough that the individual with the cancer has to be doing all the chasing for the support making all the phone calls etc… so when the first thing that is said every time is ‘what support do you need/want??’ !!!!!!!!!!! it’s shocking….. it’s like they have no understanding of what cancer can do to you, because we sure as hell had no idea what was going to happen and the impact it was going to have on us as a family, so asking what we wanted was a joke I felt. Yes in the past I have supported individuals with cancer and have had family and friends that have been unfortunate to not make it to the end of their journey. I have even done a dissertation on cancer, but this is nothing when it comes to reality. My hubby has cancer and has to go through chemo, I have 4 children and have never personally experienced this before. How on earth would we be able to say what support we want or need??????? 
Surely that’s the jobs of the organisation, charities and professionals.
Currently we have been living with this disease for a few months and still we have no support and we could not really say what support we may need. It is maybe coming clearer to us that the children are starting to need more support to try and deal with everything that is going on especially facing chemo. The support could be talking through what’s going on in the family and to their dad. My daughter has been referred to a councillor in school to try and help her as she is also studying for her A levels and has shown that things are getting to much for her. We are a busy family and always go to the pantomime at Christmas, this year it is looking more and more likely we wont be able to. The kids are fantastic with what is going on but its hard seeing how their life is having to change and how they are having to grow up so quick just because of this thing that decided to make their dad ill!!!!!
As for me and hubby, its hard as we are not a family that really ask for help. We just get on with things, we have always been like this. Between us though we have had so many questions about the cancer and the chemo, it has been hard not being able to talk to someone to clear what’s in your mind. What has made it harder is when you are given loads of things to read and have to wait a week to get your questions asked. In some cases this then results you searching the internet which sometimes is not a good idea, especially if its not up to date information. We are only really just able to see and discuss what support we may need as a family. I feel though that organisations and charities should have more of an understanding of what maybe needed to support the family and the individual. Don’t get me wrong; there is loads of support out there for individuals going through cancer. However hubby thankfully is not terminal and my kids are not the type to go sit in a room with strangers to talk about what they are going through. On top of which they would probably all turn round and say they are fine and don’t need anything from anyone. So how on earth can people turn round from cancer professions and say what do you need. Sorry but we have no idea, as we have no idea the impact its going to have on us as a family.
Through all of this we have had the most support from family and friends, its been so helpful talking to friends that have an understanding of what we are going through, due to them unfortunately going through similar. At the beginning it was over whelming how much support we got, it has dwindled down over the past few weeks. Its true when they say that you will find out who your true friends are when you really need them, in away you can say the same about your family as well. Just before hubby went in to hospital for his op I got a lovely bouquet of flowers and card from a family member on hubby’s side, they where lovely and brought tears to my eyes. At the moment in time they was just what I needed. From a friend we got a plaque that we have hung up in the kitchen with the words ‘When it’s dark look for stars when it rains look for rainbows’ I also got messages from two family members that find being sentimental hard, so when I got these messages I broke as they came just when I needed them.
Support is so bloody important, it’s vital!!!! So why is it so bloody hard to get this from cancer charities and organisations. It should not all be about the individuals travelling and do the chasing along with having to be transferred by medical professionals, its absolutely shocking!! Yet true family and friends so far most of them have been there all the way, thanks to my friends it has shown me that talking to people that have an understanding is important and can really help you, so come on Macmillan sort your self out. Being sent a pile of booklets that the majority where of no use and a few phone numbers for groups for the children is not really cutting it. I have only ever spoken highly of Macmillan as I have volunteered for them, however it would seem unless you are palliative or on your own and your doctor has referred you then you have no hope.
The past few weeks have made me so determined to try and reach out and to support others that are in the same or similar position to me.
Thank you for your continued support in my journey and my journey trying to reach out and support others.
