This week hubby went for yet another examination under anaesthetic, I could not take him again so his lovely dad took him. He had to be in hospital for 7.30am, so it was an early start to a long day.
I found it hard not being able to go, so I spent the morning with a friend with the phone by my side. Roger did message to say he had had the examination but that he was still really doped up so I left him to lie in his hospital bed in peace with the support from his daddy. After a while I messaged to see if everything was ok, as I had not heard anything. He replied with that he had spoken to the professor and they were removing the tumour next week, with fingers crossed temporary bag. What better news could you ask for in this situation?
My emotions where all over the place when I found out the results from the examination. I hated the fact that I could not be there for roger and took that out on him. I found it hard to express how happy I was that he was finally having this thing removed but was hurt that I found out over text and was not able to share the news straight away with him. Yes this sounds selfish! and I cant help my feelings but when your loved one has cancer it plays with your emotions. Even though I took my hurt out on Roger, which I feel awful for as he is so ill. We always talk things over and I feel every time we do this we grow so much closer. It’s true when they say you take things out on the one who is closest to you, and though this c**p time I have come to realize that roger is more then my husband, he is my best friend and my soul mate. He knows me better then I know myself.
With all emotions to the side finding out that Roger was finally going to have this horrible thing removed is amazing and the fact that the professor believes he can put roger back together is even better. I sit and wish we had gone private so much sooner as roger could already be on the road to recovery. But you can not change the past, what is done is done. Roll on next week, get this tumour removed and fingers crossed no chemo will be needed. I just want my soul mate back, I’m fed up with sitting on my own on an evening and feeling so alone. 
