The past week has been hard; it has contained mostly downs and many tears with the odd heated conversation.
When will they stop do bloody tests and get on with treatment????? In less then a week, Rogers treatment plan has changed 3 times. This plays nasty games on your mind, especially as the latest change in treatment Roger was told over the phone, while home alone. I felt pure horrible for leaving him to find out such news. Even though I could not help the fact I had to go shopping to get my little ray of sunshine’s birthday bits. I felt awful that Roger had received rubbish news yet again and I was not there to hold him and say everything will be ok. 
On Friday 8th September Roger went for another test, this time he had to go under anaesthetic as it was an internal examination. It was horrible the morning of the examination, Roger was really anxious and I could see this as I had tears falling and was receiving a hug from my baby. Seeing how nervous he was made me feel awful as I was not taking him I’m his wife it’s my duty to be there for him. Even though his dad was taking him I still felt awful, it was the longest few hours I can remember. Especially when he said he was 3rd on the list and suddenly stopped texting me 10 minutes after the first person had gone down. Nearly 2 hours later I get a text and my world comes crashing down on me again. Roger went to have this examination with the understanding he was going to be given a date after for his op!!!!!! Well that was not the outcome he received, . It had become apparent that the tumour was lower down then first thought, if the operation was to go ahead then the outcome could mean a colostomy bag for life. So they said that it maybe a case of chemo and radiology to try and make the tumour smaller which would give a better chance of a temporary colostomy. Roger would find out the following week what the outcome would be. Receiving this news while home alone was devastating. All I could do was to brake down, all I kept saying and going through my mind was why wont they just take that thing out????? Why are they taking so long?????? I had to get out the house, I could not be there when roger came home. Yes this may have been wrong, but I needed to calm down other wise I would have ended up arguing and I did not want that. After talking things through with a friend I was able to look at things different and when getting home after the school run, I was able to cuddle and hold my hubby. However the following week was going to be the hardest yet, my head was all over the place and I had questions going round that I needed answering.
Due to the change in treatment, hubby decided it was time to go for a second opinion. So Tuesday this week we went to see a professor in a private hospital. He more or less said the same as the hospital and explained things in more detail, however he never had the scans so could not give to much information. He was due a meeting the following day and would discuss Roger’s case with the scans to other medical staff. Well he deffo did that and phoned Roger with the outcome, another different outcome. One we was not expecting, he seems to think that chemo wont work as the cancer has started to touch the walls of the bowl, which the NHS staff did not see or suggest. He has said the tumour needs to come out and then the next step can be taken from that. All sorts of emotions have been going through my mind, including fear and anger. I have been in my own little world most of the week, if not that I been snapping at Roger. I just want my sole mate back; I don’t understand why it is taking so long to sort out the treatment. Roger has to go for yet another internal examination next week and I’m keeping everything crossed that he comes home with a date for the op.
Cancer cuts up in so many ways and I would not wish this on anyone. This disease does not just effect the individual it cuts their family up as well, but that’s another blog. Please give us some positive news next week.
