This week we went and had another chat with the professor about the type of chemo that hubby has been offered to shift this disease.
Even though it was another mind boggling chat, it really helped to answer questions and clear things up that we had not been able to understand from last week. There is no way you would be able to take everything in on one appointment and then make your decision after that. While talking about things over the weekend hubby and myself found that we had not only both missed things that the professor had said but we also understood them differently. An example of this was the length of the tablet treatment and how the pick line treatment was going to be administered. Hubby made notes on the info that we had been given, but his head was spinning the same as mine, so was hard to concentrate on the subject.
Even though it was good to talk to the professor, it was extra hard this week for both of us. We had so many questions to ask and anxiety to try and deal with, however trying to concentrate and keep a clear mind was really hard. Late Sunday night we had received some devastating news that we were trying to come to terms with. Our dear and lovely neighbour became a star in the sky, he also had cancer but his fight had gone. So going into this room to talk about chemo and what would be best for hubby was never going to be easy, it was hard to try and keep a clear head and focus on what the meeting was about. 
Somehow we managed it, I did not really say much I left hubby doing all the talking. Well until near the end when I feel that a few things had not been answered or made clear enough, in my eyes. One thing I believed had not been made clear was the tablet treatment. When we attended the first visit for the chemo, when reality hit hard. It was believed that no matter what the Picc line was going to be needed. Which was why hubby was getting worked up but like me was swaying towards the first option of having the treatment only through the line. It made sense as the line was going to be there anyway and with what the professor was saying about the tablet form. The professor had said the tablet form was not for as long, so as hubby had not gone into to much detail when he asked I thought I would question a few things. Like the length of time the treatment was for and would the treatment through the line then continue when the tablet had finished and how long for. By asking these questions we learned that the Picc line was not needed for the tablet form of the chemo, a cannula could be used as you are only attached for a short time 
and the drug that would go through the cannula would finish the same time as the tablets. It starting to show how important it is that with things like this, you must not rush and it is vital that you get a second opinion or go back for another chat.
Hubby is still trying to get his head around it all and to be honest we have not really spoke about it loads. When we have, it seems to end up in a heated conversation. Don’t get me wrong, we have spoken and answered in a round about way the other ones questions. I believe we are more or less at an understanding to what the other one is feeling and thinking. But where as I believe he should just make up his mind, and get on with it. I’m scared that the longer he leaves it the higher the possibility that it will start to spread. Hubby on the other hand believes I suppose that its all ok as the professor has said they usually have a 12 week window to start chemo. On the other hand he is scared as he not quite 5 weeks post op yet and does not feel strong enough to cope with the chemo. It does not help that he keeps remembering how ill he got after the operation. I completely understand why hubby feels the way he does, but I cannot control my emotions when this thing slaps me in the face and I come back down to earth with a bang. It’s hard at the moment as you look at Roger and you would never believe that he was diagnosed with bowel cancer on the 31st August, that he has had a major operation and that he needs chemo. He is doing more or less everything that he was doing before the operation. The only sign is that he gets tired on a night and cannot always stand tall due to his stomach still healing. This is when it then slaps you in the face that he needs chemo, and I get frustrated with him for not making up his mind and just getting on with it.
This past week has been a strange one, one-minute things are normal then you wake back up to reality. I have also realised that there is always someone worse off then you. Its been hard seeing my neighbours grieve over the loss of a loved one, yet they are staying strong for each other. They are also still showing concern for hubby and the rest of us. Yes things are hard, but we will get through this. I will stand by my soul mates side and support his decision whenever he decides to make his mind up. I love him with all my heart and we will come out this the other end, even though he can drive me up the wall as he so bloody snappy!!!
