I feel like this week has been a total night mare and by hell an emotional roller coster!! It feels like the week has been wasted more or less, I have achieved nothing and the bloody weather has not helped!!!!
Chemo should have happened this week but ended up being cancelled twice ? both times completely out of our control, damn you chemo!!
The days before chemo are always the same, emotions are all over the place and you don’t have 2 minutes to yourself. Trying to cram all the house work in, school runs, Kids, food shopping and any other work that needs doing the days have gone in a blink of an eye. Not forgetting the dreaded blood tests that can happen up to 48 hours before hand as well to make sure hubby is strong enough to have the chemo, which are not always straight forward.
Week just gone chemo was planned for Wednesday, so bloods where done late Monday morning, and then the rest of Monday and Tuesday disappeared in a blur doing all the normal things you do before chemo. Oh not forgetting emotions are high due to anxiety so of course we both took our moods out on each other, mostly because we say something that the other one does not like.
The night before chemo I had a call from my mum saying she had been taken into hospital and they was unsure what was wrong with her. She had been suffering with unbearable stomach pain most of the day resulting in an ambulance taking her to hospital, So on Wednesday morning my nerves and anxiety where pretty much all over the place. So when I heard hubby on the phone alarm bells started to ring in my head, i mean who rings someone before 8am in the morning???? It turned out to be the nurse and when he told me the reason for the conversation I think I said one or two words and then cried resulting in Roger giving me a big hug. I was fine after a few minutes, things just got a bit much and I mean a hug at the moment makes everything feel so much better.
Waking up and knowing hubby has chemo is hard, especially because of previous cycles. So being told that chemo has been cancelled as the nurse never received all the chemo drugs was not easy to get my head round, especially as something like that should never happen. So with no chemo happening, we went for a drive so hubby could play with his drone, after getting home we cracked on with things that we never got done at the beginning of the week and I cancelled my appointment for the following day as chemo was going to be happening which is obviously priority at that point to me trying to sort out the pain in my arm. I mean After all us females just get on with things….The rest of the day just passed by in a blur thinking about the following day in my case and wishing we could just get over this hurdle that is preventing cycle 4.
You would think the following day knowing chemo was going ahead your mind was going to be in the right place, I so wish it was that simple. !!!!!!! I have no idea why this time was mentally harder for me. Maybe it was because of my mum, or just because all I could do was picture hubby sat on the sofa and his face telling the story of a thousand words, and not positive ones. ?
Thursday I had all 4 children home thanks to the snow, the schools where open until lunch time then the kids would need picking up. Well both schools are at least 15 minutes drive away and hubby was having chemo so as I’m only human I can’t split myself into two. So snow day it was for my lot, just minus the bloody snow…. Thanks weather!!! So taking the weather into consideration (the big freeze, that turned Wales in to panic and shut down, including shutting the kids schools). It should not have come as a shock when hubby turned round and said that it looks like chemo may be cancelled again due to the weather !!!!!!!!!!! Cancelled due to the weather…… ?? the snow was not meant to hit us until later that afternoon ?? it could have been done by then. This sounds really selfish of me as of course you have to take things into consideration. However this damn chemo cycle has taken over four days of the week and just because some snow was forecast and temperatures forecast to drop, life had to come to a stand still.
So with chemo not going ahead again we made the most of the kid being home and went searching for snow, we did not have much luck ?. We actually did not really see much snow until the Saturday when it snowed, but as fast as it settled it disappeared. However we did manage to go out for a drive and find some, which cheered the kids up and me oh and of course hubby as he got to fly the bloody drone.
So as much as this week was a pile of c**p, I still get on with things and try to remain positive. Fingers crossed that chemo happens this week, I mean hubby would have had 3 blood tests for cycle 4 at this rate… that’s ridiculous. Damn you cancer!!!!
