This week we went for a chat about the chemo options for hubby, making things feel all more so real. 
We walked into the room with almost a clear and open mind, we left feeling over whelmed and with a fried brain.
The chat was really informative, we sat and listened and then asked questions. However just like always after leaving and exchanging the odd conversation with hubby my brain has gone into over drive and I have loads of questions I want answers to immediately. Unlike hubby who can put it to the back of his mind in a way and wait until we go back. He believes there is no way of finding the answers/information out earlier so why dwell on it. As when you do that, your mood changes and this thing is then wining.!!!!! Which is true but I find it hard to switch off from things. All I want is to be able to have my hubby fit and healthy, I wish I had the power to remove the cancer myself.
When hubby received his results a few weeks ago and was told he needed chemo as the cancer had spread. We were told that it was expected to be 4-6 months; I believed it was going to be 6 months as our luck sucks!!! Well this week it was confirmed, chemo would be for 6 months and that is saying that everything go’s to plan.
To poison this thing for good, hubby has to have what seems really extensive chemo for 6 months. To me this seems like a lot as it only spread to one gland, but I’m no doctor. Hubby no matter what, has to have a Picc line which will stay in place for the duration, when you do the maths this is one hell of a long time. This in itself can cause problems like infections and blockages and is not an easy process to put in. So when it comes to which way to have treatment the first option is to have both drugs through the Picc line these drugs are Oxaliplatin with fluorouracil (5fu) and folinic acid chemotherapy (FOLFOX or OxMdG) or if option 2 is preferred (Oxaliplatin and capecitabine chemotherapy) then one drug can be given by the line and the other is tablet form.
No matter which way the chemo drugs are administered there are going to be side effects, and they are similar if not the same with both options. Apparently it has shown that more individuals show the side effects by taking the tablet option. All individuals are different and there are many factors like health, blood cells, age and in hubby’s case how well he is recovering from his operation.
When in the room, I was all up for the first option. If you are having one drug by the line then why not have both of them. It would seem though that I misheard the professor say that it would be over duration of 24 hours, all I heard was an hour or so. Over the following few days, I read the information we was given and my brain is all over the place. I had questions when we left the hospital, know my head is spinning with them. And I’m not the most patient person!!! I want my hubby to get better, which means the chemo needs to start asap. If only it was that bloody easy… One kind seems so extreme for how its only spread to one gland. I understand the cancer needs to be poisoned but the side effects and length of time that it takes to administer the drugs seems extreme for Rogers case. Then if the side effects of sickness and tiredness occur then hubby could be out of it for a week each time. None of it makes sense, as with this one the chances of individuals suffering from the side effects are slim and the Folinic acid is only given as its been shown that it makes the 5 FU to work better. If hubby was to go for the second option for his treatment it would be over with in a few hours and he would take the tablet at home. However this is the method that individual are meant to have a higher chance of experiencing the side effects. As this one only takes a few hours to administer he would only be ill for a day or so.
Its all really confusing as the professor said some people take a few days of for treatment then go back to work. How can this be done if you are one of the unlucky ones that become ill after being attached to a drip for two days.
My head is absolutely spinning!!!!! I cannot really talk to hubby much as he pushes things to the back of his mind, as he has no idea of the answer. He also fears the treatment and has loads of things going around his mind like being a burden on us and being able to take the boys to football. All things he should not be worrying about, but he is a dad and a bloody good one. Along with being human, so it is only natural to have these feelings and emotions.
During the whole of this experience Roger has snapped at me and over reacted to things I have said to him due to maybe not agreeing with me. I have done the same to him, this is all new to us and we have no idea how to deal with things. We have had as many ups as we have had downs, and that’s what a journey like this does to you. Its taken time but I have come to realise the emotions we are experiencing are ok. We are going to experience many more ups and downs before this journey is over, but omg… we will come out so much stronger at the end of this journey.
We have to go back next week for another chat and tell them what roger has decided but I cant see that happening. We have far to many questions to ask, and I don’t think then Roger will be able to make his mind up even after changing it a few times. This is one thing that is, what I never thought would be an amazingly hard thing to get your head round. There is so much to take in and think about, but at the end of the day the end decision is on Roger. He does not agree with me, but all I can do is support him. He is the one that has to have the treatment and live with it making him possibly ill for the next 6 months.
No matter what we will get through this and hopefully within the next few weeks Roger will be starting his treatment for chemo. It’s going to be one hell of a tough journey but we are going to fight it all the way.
