According to my blog the last time I updated on cancer and family life was hmm ya let’s not go there shall we!
So, as I have more then 10 minutes spare even if I am drugged up and have my foot in plaster, I could not think of a more perfect time to share what’s been going on in this mum’s world.
So why am I drugged up? Well, I broke my foot over a year ago and am recovering from an operation to fix it. I never put myself first, I don’t have the time for me, and I hate wasting time at the doctors. There is always something more important to do. I’m not someone with much patience, as you maybe able to tell. Resulting in an operation to fix my foot keeping me of one for at least 6 weeks. I’m not the best patient, I hold my hands up to it.
Wow it feels strange writing this, it feels like my first ever blog again. Makes me cringe thinking back to it, it’s always horrible reading back through your stuff. Must make a promise to myself to not let it go so long next time, lol who am I kidding? I’m a mum and don’t even have time to go the toilet half the time.
So! I’m sure like many of us, the days feel like they disappear. It’s like you blink and you have lost a few hours, or the day is over. That’s one of my reasons as to why I’m only just getting my foot sorted, nothing to do with my stubbornness not going to the doctors or walking out the hospital before my Xray as I did not have the patience to sit and wait any longer. We had to cancel a holiday in the end as I could not wait any longer to get my foot done, that will teach me!
Recovery for my foot has been anything but what I expected. Laid up relaxing, working on my wellness business and myself. Taking time out and recovering, It was anything but. I was laid up and resting as I could not do anything else, but there was also many emotional moments and tears with little work on my wellness business. Oh, and many conversations with the kids, many drugs taken and little fresh air and the same four walls.
The first few weeks with my foot in plaster and hubby looking after me where probably the hardest of all. Being stuck in doors, watching and listening to everyone come and go. Having to have help to shower and washing my hair over the bath. Not being able to get my clothes or carry them. Unable to make myself a drink or go to the toilet without someone following me in case I fell. Which I nearly did as the floor was wet, that terrified me. It felt like I lost all freedom of moving around the house for my safety. My foot used to go a funny colour and was obviously swollen, so when I was up, I was told to go and sit down. I don’t do well just sitting and relying on other people, I’m a mum. But I was fully reliant on others, and that was hard.
I did enjoy not having to get up and nag the youngest in the morning for school though, instead I did it from under the covers drinking tea. Why do teenage boys have no concept of time when school is involved? The eldest two boys were the same when they were in school and still are to a point.
I also loved not having to meal plan, cooking for 6 people sometimes up to 9 is no fun at times. Never knowing who is in for food mixed with picky eaters I never know if I’m coming or going from one meal to the next.
I’m not one to really sit around unless the weather is miserable and i feel like getting cozy on the sofa, sitting down is not in my job description as a mum. So having this operation on my foot meant I was stuck resting trying to work or watching films and failing at both. As much as it was hard at times it was also quite nice to sit back and have things done for me for a change. It’s about time this lot did some chores and looked after me, I’ve been doing it for 22yrs.
At the beginning of my recovery due to being unable to concentrate on work, thanks pain killers it was all about the films and sleeping. For the first few days I laid on the sofa watching tv, but it got too much so ended up staying upstairs for parts of the day to break my day up. Not sure if this was a good thing or not as my kids decided they needed to come see me every 5 minutes. Well, that’s how it felt anyway. Before my operation I was only needed for mum things, cooking, washing, taxi, I suppose I should not complain they showed they cared, even if they would not leave me alone.
So, my not so little darlings. Two in their twenty’s and two teenagers they not little. The older 3 are adults as I keep getting corrected, they are still a pain in the backside though! I always believed as children got older, they get easier, I could not have been any more wrong. It must have been a man I heard that nontruthful info from as it’s a load of rubbish. Maybe when they move out, but I’ve got no hope of that happening anytime soon. No matter how much they drive me up the wall though and cause me sleepless nights I could not be any prouder of all of them.
Children are hard work no matter their age, those hard times as they get older are bloody hard. Sometimes I have no idea how to deal with them and feel like I have failed them as their mum. Like when one child comes and says he is going to America for two weeks. In a weeks’ time on his own to meet someone he met online. Or when a child comes home with not one but two tattoos. Then we have the hormones, emotions anxiety and overthinking and not forgetting the bickering with the older 3. Sometimes I just want to bang their heads together. I miss the days when they used to do as they were told the first time, never answered back, and went to bed when told, and you always knew where they were.
No matter how hard the challenges are that I face with my kids and how much they drive me up the wall. I am one proud mummy bear of all my children. My big two have finished with their first year of university, the hormones have been real high, the mood swings next level. But I look at them and listen to them and when they share their marks for an essay or exams their face lights up and that lump appears in my throat and the tear in the eye. Promotions and GCSE’s my kids are reaching for their dreams, and all have the kindest hearts. They still drive me crazy though and I’m still waiting for the instruction booklet on how to parent the older child.
During my recovery I have felt the love for sure from my not so little darlings, well especially from 3 of them. One of them I barely seen as he was always working. His words.. ‘if I was that bad or wanted to update him on my recovery I would have done’. Kids gotta love them!
4 children all growing into the most amazing individuals, yes I’m modest I’m their mum! They are all finding their paths, growing up and making mistakes. The hormones at times are next level, the telling of tales makes me wonder how old they are! Those moments they are nice to each other makes me wonder who they are. When I see them kick anxiety after nearly two years is next level proudness. When I see their faces as they share their achievements or as they face a challenge makes my body tingle with proudness.
I think it’s time to stop typing and sign off, it has taken me way too long to write this and I have found it hard to get going. But then I can’t stop, but I think you get the idea of how life can be when you have a broken foot and 4 kids and run a business or two. And I never even spoke about our family holiday. Its been good to have a chat.
