This blog feels like it has taken me forever to write, it is not day four like I’ve stated its currently day 10. I have given up changing the date!!!
As I type this we are currently on day 4 and hubby does not look great. He is really tired and seems to have a funny taste in his mouth a lot of the time.
Just like cycle 2, the IV (Oxaliplatin) did not go to plan, hubby managed to have about half of the Oxaliplatin as the pain in his hand and wrist became unbearable and this was after taking paracetamol and ibuprofen. Along with two hot water bottles, one under the hand and one on the arm. The nurse tried all ways possible to try and complete the full cycle but it was clear to me this was not going to happen, I could see the pain was too much and hubby had made his mind up. It was so hard to watch, I had already had to walk out the lounge a few times due to being unable to hold back the tears. Seeing hubby just sitting there with fear and anxiety in his face, along with pain as the cannula was not going in without a fight. Then watching him sitting their helpless as the IV starts pumping in all the drugs that are going to make him ill for the next few days or even longer. Seeing hubby become pale and watching the pain and fear increase in his face, while holding his arm to try and ease the pain is heart breaking. All these emotions and actions are what people don’t see, cancer is not just this illness that makes you unwell, its so much more and so much of it happens behind closed doors.!!!!!!
Back to cycle 3
Apart from the extravasation at the beginning in cycle 2, cycle 2 was a breeze!!!! It would be wishful thinking that the rest of the cycles would be like this… this is cancer and my hubby after all, meaning nothing is ever straight forward!!!!
As the days have gone by, hubby still has the pain in his hand and wrist and quite serious sensitivity to the cold. While me, hubby, and the two youngest were putting the bins out at the weekend he had to run in side, I thought I heard him say ouch ouch !!!!!! As it had been raining, the bags being had become cold and wet, as roger had moved a few bags the cold had become too much and I suppose the cold had burnt his hand. All you saw was him running in to the house and then standing at the kitchen sink with his hand under the running water to try and warm it up. For the first 7-10 days hubby was not really getting any better, he constantly felt like crap, L I suppose it was like he was coming down with a cold, it was quite scary and concerning to see.
During this cycle when thinking about the side effects its almost like hubby never had any, as when looking at him apart from looking tired he looks like any other individual. You would never be any the wiser that he was putting his body through some serious crap. Its really strange when sitting back and thinking about it as the side effects that hubby has had during this cycle have impacted him so much more this time, and yet when looking at him you would have no idea that he was not well. It’s hard to say which side effect has hit the hardest, feeling nausea, sensitivity to the cold, taste buds and feeling like crap. All of these in one way or another have impacted more so then the previous cycles and one thing that is becoming more obvious is that he is much more tired and moody then before. I look at him and just see this person that I love with all my heart becoming weak but is not letting go with out a fight!!! It is like the drugs are starting to take toll on his body, I can see the fear and tiredness starting to appear.
The chemo side effects are impacting not just hubby but us as a family L Not massive but they are starting to creep in, watching the youngest play football last week towards the end he could not take the cold so had to get in the car, when picking the kids up from school if its to cold he cant get out the car if he don’t have his coat or gloves.
Hubby has just under a week to go before we can say he is half way through the chemo cycles!!! Even though the past day or so he has not been to bad, things are getting harder but we are not giving up. I’m sure as hell not and I wont let roger the kids want their dad and I want my best friend back to his healthy self.
Cancer really does suck and can seriously do one, it tries so hard to take control of the individual and at the same time the family, you try so hard for it to not impact you but it becomes out of your control at times. It is so important to stay strong and fight it together!! Cancer is only a chapter in my family’s life, we will come out stronger the other end. Roll on the next few days so hubby can have a few days rest before the next cycle.
