Cycle two has been completed, and it has been completely different to cycle one. I expect this is something to do with the fact that hubby only had half the Oxaliplatin due to an extravasation, which is still occasionally causing him slight pain and discomfort in his hand and wrist. (If not already then read Starting cycle 2… blog to find out what actually happened with the Oxaliplatin IV).
If the next four cycles are like this then it’s going to be a breeze for hubby and me!!!!! The past 12 or so days have been so nice, hubby has had minimal side effects which has been great. The main side effect that has had the most impact, like cycle one is the sensitivity to the cold, which being winter and bitter cold is not good. However unlike cycle one hubby has been able to tolerate the cold at a quicker pace, for example he went to the front door to say goodbye to the nurse after the Oxaliplatin infusion, he was able to hold a knife and fork and drink from a glass more or less immediately. At the end of the IV in cycle one he could not even go to the toilet with out feeling the cold, which was really scary to see for myself and the kids, he looked so dull and lifeless mixed with so much fear.
Cycle two has seen hubby flinch once as he held something from the freezer for to long, there seems to have been minimal feelings of sickness and occasionally feeling bloated. Oh and he still continues to get up most nights to empty his Ileostomy bag which after so many months is really hard going, I cant remember the last time I slept all night, but hey it’s not forever which is a major positive. Along with watching hubby going through the Oxaliplatin IV, Something else I have found really hard is watching hubby having to take the Capecitabine twice a day for two weeks. In the beginning I would remind hubby to take his tablets as I had believed him to have forgot, he hadn’t though. It was me being protective of him and wanting to make him better I suppose It was hard, I had to take a step back and let him get on with things. You could say in away the tablets almost take control of your life for two weeks. You have to take them within a certain time frame everyday, so when lying in bed on a Sunday morning I found I was very conscious of the time the same on a night time if we was having a cuddle watching TV. Hubby could see how I was struggling to switch off from things and I could see that by me being like that it was impacting him, it has been hard but I have managed to achieve the strength to switch off. I suppose you can say that Cancer was winning as it was not allowing me to get on with things or switch off, however over time I have beat it and I can learn to switch off and get on with things, this is more easier as time goes’ on as hubby is getting his strength back slowly.
This cycle has enabled us to do things as a family and almost live a life that is normal, whatever that is!!! With this in mind it does help me to feel more positive towards things, but at the back of my mind I’m aware that we still have along way to go and the constant feeling of fear that he will suffer in following cycles is awful, I also then have the worry that he wont complete all the cycles for one reason or another and of course the worry that the CT scan at the end may show something and that the cancer may come back!!!!! To some people these may be worries that are silly and you should think positive, well I’m sorry but I don’t believe that anyone can think positive all the time.
The next few days are resting ready for chemo to start again next week!!!!! It seems like it is never ending and to be honest at the moment it’s not. But we will get there and beat cancer all the way!!!!!!!
