The past few weeks have been a total emotional roller coaster!!!
On the 9th of August the day before my youngest sons birthday, Roger had to have an Colonoscopy.
I was totally unaware that he was going to be receiving the results while they did the procedure. So after we got home and we was on our own, he told me that he knew some of the results!!! Well I was shocked when he said they had found something and think it may be possible cancer!! I’m the type of person that reads to much in to things. So as soon as said the C word I saw red!!!
So over the following few weeks while Roger had more tests due to this growth that was found, things started to become hard to deal with. Not only was I watching my best friend go through these tests and become more ill. He could no longer go for a run and started to have time off from work as he had episodes of feeling really bad. On top of this I had to keep everything to myself, this was hard as Roger was able to talk to his work and medical professionals along with a key worker!
Some people may think I’m being selfish but this was a massive thing to keep to yourself, knowing your loved one was in pain and had cancer. This caused several arguments and sleepless nights. There was many mixed emotions flying around the house.
I also felt awful that Roger had to go to the appointments on his own as the kids where on holidays and other conflicting appointments and we don’t want the kids to have any impact.
All along we tried to stay positive!!
Roger had to go to the final appointment on his own, which was for the results. I could not feel more guilty and was on tender hooks!!! I tried to keep myself busy but it did not work. I knew it was not good when I’d not heard anything about 30mins after his appointment time. After texting him and still nothing, I was in bits! Roger phoned me nearly an hour after his appointment time. He asked if I was ok as I sent a message. I told him I just wanted to know how he was! His reply was “it’s good news” I knew he was lying….
It felt ages until he got home, I managed to get the kids out the way. So after what felt like ages, he told me!!! It had been confirmed he had bowl cancer! My first reaction was I knew it, tears and banging my hand on the kitchen work top.
My husband has just been told he had cancer and I was not there to hold him close after such awful news, I felt like a cow, but we was going to beat this!!!
